Day 14 – We do it all for you.

Patron 1: “Whew. That was an ordeal. It took me forever to find a parking space.”

Patron 2: “I know! I circled around for half an hour looking for one, but then I saw a van, that had a Winnipeg Fringe logo on the side of it, leave a spot open right beside the cube, so I took that one.”

Patron 1: “Wow, that was lucky. I had to park a whole block away on Main Street in front of City Hall.”

Patron 2: “That’s not too bad. How is the new BMW?”

Patron 1: “It’s good, but Bob and I have decided to keep the Mercedes for the winter so the kids can use it while we’re at our villa in Cancun.”

Patron 2: “That’s a good Idea. Mel and I do the same with the Lincoln while we’re in Paris.”

Patron 1: “It’s been so long since I’ve been downtown. It looks so different from what I remember.”

Patron 2: “Mel and I only come when we have tickets to the ballet, but Margaret keeps on talking about this Fringe thing every year at our tennis club, so I thought we should give it a try.”

Patron 1: “Great. Well, where is this Fringe?”

Patron 2: “I think it is right here, in front of The Cube.”

Patron 1: “So that’s the Cube? My, isn’t that whimsical. Is that a pirate up there? Is he the Fringe?”

Patron 2: “I’m not sure. I think so?”

Patron 1: “So they do more than one show, or did we miss the beginning?”

Patron 2: “I don’t know…. Oh look, there is an information sign, lets go ask.”

Patron 1: “Excuse me. We’re here for the Fringe, where do we go?”

Info Tent Volunteer: “I take it this is your first time at the Fringe?”

Patron 1: “Yes it is.”

Info Tent Volunteer: “Well I would suggest buying a Festival program. It has all of the information that you’ll need to get started. They’re three dollars each.”

Patron 2: “I think I have some change in my purse, let’s see. Fifty cents, seventy five cents… oh! Here’s a loony! No, no, that’s a euro.”

Patron 1: “Oh! I have a fifty left over from the charity auction I went to last week, here you go young man.”

Volunteer: “Uhh, I think I have change for that… Yes I do, here you go, and enjoy the Fringe.”

Patron 2: “Thank you.”

Patron 1: “Oh this is so exciting. I haven’t been to the theatre since our last trip to New York when we saw Skylight.”

Patron 2: “How was that?”

Patron 1: “It was ok, I didn’t understand very much and the British actor on stage was very rude to me when I was talking to the kids on my phone. I think his name was William Nigidy or something.”

Patron 2: “Well, let’s go to that enclosed area with the tables and look this program over.”

Beer Tent Volunteer: “Excuse me ladies, can I see some I.D.?”

Patron 1: “Well, aren’t you just the charmer. Of course.”

Patron 2: “Don’t mind that picture, it’s just awful.”

Beer Tent Volunteer: “Thank you. I’ll just put these wrist bands on you now.”

Patron 1: “What are these for?”

Beer Tent Volunteer: “This is so you can buy alcohol.”

Patron 2: “There’s cocktails?! Splendid.”

Beer Tent Volunteer: “Uhhh….”

Patron 1: “Thank you, can we sit anywhere?”

Beer Tent Volunteer: “Uh, Ya, sit wherever you like.”

Patron 2: “Thank you. Everybody here is so helpful.”

Patron 1: “Waiter! Waiter!”

Festival Artistic Director: “Can I help you ladies?”

Patron 1: “Yes, we’ll have two glasses of water and some menus.”

Festival Artistic Director: “I’m afraid we don’t have any menus. There are vendors surrounding the square however that serve a variety of foods with bottled water or soft drinks. Over there a volunteer can sell you tickets which you can exchange for beer or wine.”

Patron 1: “Ahhh. I understand. Thank you.”

Patron 2: “Let’s look at this program and see when the pirate has another show.”

Patron 1: “Oh my God! Look at this! It goes on forever!”

Patron 2: “Wow! Are those all theatre shows?”

Patron 1: “I think so. Lord, it’s going to take us all afternoon to go through this all!”

Performer: “Are you ladies looking for a show to go to?”

Patron 1: “Yes, yes we are.”

Performer: “Well, in about an hour, we have a show over at Venue 2. It’s a Dutch puppet show that examines the intricacies of the Vietnam War. Here is a flyer with all the information.”

Patron 1: “Thank you, we’re a little lost, so this is very helpful.”

Patron 2: “Oh my, look at that poor fellow over there.”

Patron 1: “Aww. He looks down on his luck, with his long hair and unshaved face. I’m going to give him some of this change we got from the program.”

Patron 2: “That’s nice….. hmmmm, where is Venue 2? Oh here’s a map in the program. Over at the Royal Manitoba Theatre Centre. Oh my, that’s quite the walk.”

Patron 1: “It turns out that long haired old man works for the festival.”

Patron 2: “The Fringe gives jobs to the homeless? That is so nice of them. I’m going to get Mel to donate some money to this Fringe. He’s always looking for tax write offs.”

Patron 1: “Well, I asked the long haired staff member if there was anything whimsical that he would recommend, and he said that there was a show that involved mayonnaise a few years ago that would have been perfect for us, but sadly there is no remount.”

Patron 2: “Well, I found some information about that young Dutch woman’s show about the Vietnam War. It starts in an hour and is at something called Venue 2. Look, there’s a llama on the pamphlet she gave us. You like llamas.”

Patron 1: “Ok, let’s go to that.”

Patron 2: “It’s a fair distance away, over by the Concert Hall at the Royal Manitoba Theatre Centre.”

Patron 1: “That’s ok, we can drive over.”

Patron 2: “Good idea, let’s take my car, it’s on the other side of this Cube thing!”

Patron 1: “This is so much fun! I feel so bohemian!”

Patron 2: “I know! I’ll have to drag Mel down to this.”

Patron 1: “I should do the same with Bob, we could plan out a weekend.”

Patron 2: “Ya, that’s a great…….. uh…….. where’s my car?”


About JBJ

John lives in an abandoned toolshed behind a fake rubber vomit warehouse in Winnipeg Manitoba Canada with a squirrel named Peanut Hoarder, where he steals an internet signal from the Kung Fu school next door. He is a little "off". View all posts by JBJ

One response to “Day 14 – We do it all for you.

  • Jody Erlandson

    Ha ha ha! This puts me in mind of a work acquaintance, many years ago, who showed up for one of Free Food and Beer’s Star Trek spoofs about 20 minutes before show time. She seemed to take it quite personally that there was a long line of people waiting to get into the sold-out show. You can’t blame first-timers for not knowing the ropes, but really–attitude is everything!

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