Day 9 2013: You’re doing it wrong…

Dude in the Beer Tent. Speech slurred, totally absurd, many swear words: “I don’t care about your show, get away from me you freak, your clothes look stupid, and are you wearing makeup? NO I’m not going to see some stupid play, why can’t I have five beers at the same time? This Fringe thing is dumb!”

You’re doing it wrong…

Performer in the Venue. Lots of whines, dollar signs, thinks he’s divine: “I don’t care about the other shows in here, I want projection, puppets, projectiles, and puppetiles. My show goes thirty five minutes over my time and nobody else can use this washroom but me. This venue is mine!”

You’re doing it wrong…

Volunteer selling tickets. Loud, proud, yelling to the crowd: “Ya, this show sucks, don’t go see it, you should go see this other show instead. My friend is in it. He’s dreamy, I don’t know why any one would see this show at all, he’s not dreamy. I’m just heading to the square to get a bucket of lemonade poutine, I may not come back, give me my stamps.”

You’re doing it wrong…

Patron on the patio. Gucci, hoochie, poodle named smootchie: “I saw this amazing show, it was fantastic, it got 5 stars and was marvelous, unbelievable, best thing in the world ever… no, I don’t know what it was about, but it got 5 stars so it has to be awesome.”

You’re doing it wrong…

Critic in the front row on his iPad. Impacting, distracting, subcontracting: “I knew coming into this show that I would not like it, so I will just retell the plot and give away the ending. No I don’t do the audience participation thing, how dare you ask me, don’t you know who I am?”

You’re doing it wrong…

Technician in the booth on his iPad. Overweight, in a state, likes to dictate: “I don’t care if it’s integral to your show, you can’t do that. There is no other option, don’t do that ever, you’ll have to rewrite your script because there is no compromise. I can not accommodate your reasonable request, how dare you ask me, don’t you know who I am?”

I’m doing it wrong…

Cleaning woman in the audience, watching the last show before her shift, fulfilling a wish, not much english, stays to the finish:

Waits until the audience leaves… taps me on the shoulder… “I clean now?”

I nod…

Puts on her apron, gets a bucket and mop, starts cleaning the floor…

Performers exit… “Your play, I like!”… gesture from actors as they check their phones…

She cleans the floor… thinking about the play… “That girl, she a fairy?”

I nod…

Pointing to a pile of glitter on the floor… “And this one magic?”

I nod again… sneering at the glitter that gets everywhere…

She continues to mop… rings out the mop in her bucket… stops…

“OH!”

She shows me all the stage glitter that she has mopped up, as it swirls in her bucket in a dance of colours…

A tear in her eye… “Their magic is now with me!”

She’s doing it right…

20130721-204727.jpg

About JBJ

John lives in an abandoned toolshed behind a fake rubber vomit warehouse in Winnipeg Manitoba Canada with a squirrel named Peanut Hoarder, where he steals an internet signal from the Kung Fu school next door. He is a little "off". View all posts by JBJ

5 responses to “Day 9 2013: You’re doing it wrong…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: