Flash forward.

2087 Fringe production manager Anthony Condello IV: “Hi everybody and welcome to the Venue Technician orientation meeting for the 100th annual Winnipeg Fringe Theatre Festival. It’s great to see the faces of so many returning technicians along with those of you that will be techs for the first time.”

“For those of you who have been venue techs before, most of this meeting will just be a refresher. For those of you who are new, please pay attention. Most of your venues have been set up over the last few weeks, and I’d like to thank the set up crew led by our T.D. Mary Anne Conacher. Most of the Venues have their lighting sources calibrated but some of you may need to take the time this morning to make sure your personal brain chips are communicating correctly with the lights.”

“You should also have uploaded and familiarised yourselves with the new Qlab 32.7 software and the upgrades to the holograph projector cue lists. Some of the artists will be coming with Qlab already installed in their brain chips so you’ll just have to calibrate their brains with the venue system.”

“All venues should make sure that their solar panels are functioning correctly, except for venue 39 at Portage and Main, you will be using 2 windmills to power your venue.”

“Backup potato power sources are also in your venue and everyone should test their potatoes to make sure they work.”

“Venues 173, 197, 211, and 301, which are the lunar venues should make sure that their atmospheric processors are working correctly and test their transporter pads and shuttle bays. We don’t want a repeat of last year’s nitrous oxide incident at Tycho City. Crumbs is funny, but not that funny.”

“As many of you know, the renovations to the Royal Manitoba Theatre Centre are complete which includes a brand new Venue 2. During the refit, construction crews discovered an old storage device hidden somewhere in the old Venue 2. Apparently it is called a thumb drive and uses old electronic technology and something called USB. The city archives were able to extract the information from this storage device and In celebration of the 100th anniversary of the Fringe, the contents are being made available to everybody.”

“It is a diary of sorts from a Venue technician way back in 2015 before the Form vs Function wars and when the internet still existed instead of brain wave communication chips.”

“My Great Grandfather remembers working with this Technician, many years ago, and when he read it, he nearly choked on his sandwich and the staff at The Bertram Schneider Home for Senior Fringers, had to revive him.”

“It is an interesting read, but the humour is rather sophomoric and dated because quadruple entendre and ninth person perspective didn’t exist, because it dates before Sydney Hayduk wrote her Master Works and changed writing forever.”

“On opening day next week, the diary will be read out loud in the T.J. Dawe gardens beside the Gem Rolls statue on Die Roten Avenue. Everyone is welcome of course, but it will also be available for upload to your Brain chips for those who can not attend.”

“Ok, that’s about it. Everybody should have the tech riders for their groups and if there are any questions feel free to send me a telepathic and I’ll see if I can help.”

“So have fun out there. Be safe, be creative, and helpful to your groups, and also be nice to your Robot Volunteers. Remember that they mean well, but you are in charge of your venues. If you have any problems of a robotic nature, contact the Volunteer Mechanic.”

“Lets start Fringing!”



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